It's Just a One Shot Away
by Tilly in Pompeii
Summary: Newest one shot: Fight Sickness - "Gooey sugar frosting aside, the cake wasn't all that great. The big cake looked a little lonely though, so I cut myself another piece." Rating subject to change
1. Shop, Drop and Roll

**Sorta Important A/N: This collection of one shots contains scenes that were removed from my WIP, One of the Furry Ones (an urban fantasy/babe retelling of One for the Money). However, these one shots can be read completely on their own and still make perfect sense. They can also be considered deleted/added scenes to Evanovich's One for the Money because none of them (currently) contain explicit fantasy material.**

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It's Just a One Shot Away

**_Shop, Drop and Roll_**

One for the Money (original) reference: "First thing we need to do is get you outfitted. And while we collect your hardware, I'm gonna tell you about the law." -Chapter 2

One of the Furry Ones (my wip) reference: "Hell, I'd even been a little turned on when I'd asked him how to use the handcuffs I'd planned to buy. He'd smirked then handcuffed me to the rack while he finished shopping for me." -Chapter 4

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Stephanie POV:

I had been irritating Ranger ever since we stepped through the door. I could tell that he wasn't really upset with me, he was more amused by my antics, but that didn't stop him from threatening me that if I spoke one more time I would get ditched.

"Hey, look at this. What's this for? People actually pay for this?" I couldn't stop myself. I had never been in a store that didn't sell sugary snacks or shoes. He finally pushed me over toward a display of handcuffs and told me grab a pair I liked while he looked around.

I scowled at him. This better not be his effort to abandon me here. I decided to keep an eye on him, just in case.

All of the handcuffs were pretty much the same. Some had little engravings on them and one of the pairs was plated gold. The cheapest set looked perfectly good to me. What would I get engraved on a pair of cuffs, 'gotcha, sucker'?

I made my way back over to Ranger. He had his palms resting on a display case of handguns and was bent over looking at them. I gave myself a chance to admire his butt before crowding next to him. I dangled the handcuffs from a finger and gave him a grin. "How do I use 'em?"

He smirked at me then beckoned me to follow him. I do so back to the rest of the handcuffs. I placed the pair I had taken in his outstretched hand. Before I was able to take my hand back, he had one attached to that wrist and the other to a rack of Kevlar vests.

Ranger leaned over and looked me right in the eyes then smirked again. "Think you got it, or do you need another demonstration?"

"Well you did that pretty fast, but I think I- Hey! Wait! Where are you going?"

Ranger turned as he was walking away and shot me his biggest grin yet. "I'll be back for you when it's time to leave."

Ranger POV:

Stephanie, _Babe_, had been making her mouth run nonstop since entering the store. Our short walk in the parking lot had been in silence. Then her eyes had gone all wide as she took in the displays and suddenly started talking my ears off. I was torn between watching her pouty lips and the desire to tape her mouth shut so that I'd stand a chance of making it out with my pride relatively in tact.

As a store employee started making his way toward us, I pushed her in the opposite direction. Whether his intention was to kick us out or answer some of Babe's ridiculous questions, I was at a complete loss but neither were on my agenda. I left her by the handcuffs and made my way back to the employee to intercept them. I _did_ know for sure that Stephanie was their main target.

"I need an easy to use handgun." I stood blocking the employee's view of Babe. He slowly met my eyes before giving me a meek smile. He turned and asked me to follow. He left me the glass counter display case before scurrying off to a back room. I grinned, feeling pleased that at least _someone_ knew I wasn't to be messed with.

It wasn't long before I could feel her behind me. I was about to turn around when she squeezed herself into my space to see what I was looking at. She had a pair of cuffs dangling from a dainty finger. She smirked then asked, "How do I use 'em?" She finally met my eyes and I could see the mischief in them.

If she wanted mischief, I could do mischief. I walked back towards the handcuffs while beckoning her to follow me with a curl of my fingers. I held out a hand to her and she placed the handcuffs in my grasp. Before she could react, I gently but quickly handcuffed her to a nearby rack.

I'd definitely won this game. I stooped down to look her in the eyes, "Think you got it, or do you need another demonstration?" Once again before she could react, I started to walk back to the handguns. She sputtered after me which I replied with a large grin thrown over my shoulder. Playing with my babe was too much fun.

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**Author Offer: Read 'One of the Furry Ones' and want a scene? Drop me a PM or a review about it and I'm sure I can write a little something to post. Examples: Grandma Mazur's POV of dinnertime madness, a 'present' tense version of Stephanie's first encounter with the wolves, Connie's thoughts after meeting Stephanie etc.**


	2. Stephanie Induced Symptoms

**Opening A/N: I'm not a big Joe fan so getting into his head was a little weird for me. I really liked how this one turned out though.

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It's Just a One Shot Away

_**Stephanie Induced Symptoms**_

One for the Money reference: "Across the street, a shadowy figure pulled back from a filthy third-floor window, the movement catching my attention. Someone had been watching me." -Chapter 3

One of the Furry Ones reference: "I glanced over my shoulder and noticed a vehicle parked down the street some. The driver appeared to be watching me, which was a little bit creepy. I wrote it off as someone waiting for a _special _Stark Street service." -Chapter 5

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Joe POV:

_Joseph, I just got off the phone with Stephanie Plum's mother._

It had been a long time since I'd last heard her say those words but they still had the same effect on me then as they did now; stomach cramping, a sharp pain behind my eye, an urge to throw myself off a bridge... Stephanie Plum, and her whole crazy ass family, always had a way of bringing out the worst in me. Her reappearance back in my life should have sent me running far, _far_ away in the other direction and yet here I was following her..._again_.

I'd yet to see her make any progress in finding me, unless TastyKakes had fortunes in them now. It had always amazed me that a human being could pack away so many doughnuts, processed snack foods and whatever the hell else she ate and still look like she did, long shapely legs and perfect ass. No ass and legs were worth all the trouble Stephanie put me through though. I'd never had to follow another woman to make sure she didn't ship me off to jail and my probable death. _Only_ Stephanie.

I hung back as she parked on Stark Street and groaned when I saw what business she'd parked across from. She had to be insane, that was the only explanation. I drove past her and parked on the same side of the street she had. I optimistically left the car idling, hoping that Plum would grow some common sense and get back into her car. I opened the glove box and pulled out a pair of pocket binoculars without taking my eyes off her. She was still hovering by the door.

I put the binoculars up to my eyes and looked directly into her face staring back at me. I nearly shrank down in my seat. Sure, she'd spotted me but there was no way in hell that she actually knew it was _me_. I'd been careful about switching cars. And even _I_ knew it was stupid to be following my own bounty hunter around, no matter now inexperienced she was. The situation was too idiotic to guess.

I watched her turn back to the door, dismissing me. Like a fool, she pulled the door open and stepped inside. And just like her, I opened the glove box again to get my gun...just in case she needed saving.


	3. Fight Sickness

**A/N: This scene changed a ton of times as I was writing it. First Stephanie was drunk, then they'd had to include Grandma Mazur in their girls' night out, etc. Anyway, this is how it turned out. I hope you enjoy it!**

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It's Just a One Shot Away

_**Fight Sickness**_

One for the Money reference: None, however, what if Stephanie had seen one of Ramirez's fights before meeting him?

One of the Furry Ones reference: "I recognized him from when Mary Lou had dragged me to a fight with her on one of our girls' nights out. Ramirez looked even bigger and meaner than he had giving his opponent a concussion and broken jaw." -Chapter 5

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Stephanie POV:

I was going to hurl, I could feel it. My mouth was watery and my stomach was protesting and Mary Lou was _bitching_ at me because I wasn't paying attention to the fight. The funny thing was it was all her fault I was sick in the first place.

It had been one of her kid's birthday and I'd been invited to the party as any favorite surrogate aunt should be. I'd brought a gift and I had even wrapped it myself. After the gifts were unwrapped, Mary Lou brought out the biggest cake I'd ever seen. I pretty surprised considering I usually make it my business to discover any and all cakes; frosting, sugar, and chocolate connoisseur that I am. Mary Lou had given me a small slice of heaven then left the rest of the cake out on the kitchen counter. Before she'd left me alone in the kitchen to eat while she supervised the kids, she told me _not_ to touch the cake. As soon as she'd made the rest of the cake forbidden, I couldn't take my eyes off it no matter how hard I'd tried. Gooey sugar frosting aside, the cake wasn't all that great. The _big_ cake looked a little lonely though, so I cut myself another piece and wolfed it down so Mary Lou wouldn't catch me. One extra piece turned into nearly half the cake which then turned into a sick Stephanie on fight night.

Mary Lou and I were sitting in the stands watching one of Benito Ramirez's heavyweight fights for our girl's night out this week. We were out in Timbuktu, so I really couldn't see what was going on down in the ring that well anyway; that and the annoying ass clown in front of me with the poof of hair. Mary Lou on the other hand had no one sitting in front of her. She was also working on _my_ beer now and getting really into the fight. While she worked out her alcohol and boxing induced madness, I was barely holding my cake.

One of Ramirez's punches snapped the jaw of the other guy and he went down. Blood was gushing everywhere and people were yelling and jumping around. In all of the jostling, I was feeling sicker and sicker. Ass clown was giving everyone high fives like he'd just single handedly won the fight. He turned around and held his had out toward me. I heaved and the cake came back up all down the front of his shirt. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve, gave the guy an innocent smile then dragged Mary Lou out of there as fast as I could.

Back in the car Mary Lou turned to look at me, "You ate more than one slice of cake, didn't you?"

I gave her a sheepish smile and just shrugged my shoulders. I was feeling a lot better now and was almost hoping Mary Lou would want to go back in so I could get a corn dog.

"The kids _helped _me make that cake. Every time my back was turned they were adding whatever they felt like. I thought cooking it would make it fine to eat, but I guess not."


End file.
